Changing MY World-One Thought at a Time!

I'm a woman...I can change my mind any time I want~~~ It's my World that is slow to change!!

Note to self

I just wanted to make a note to myself.. Sherry called today and said she had been thinking about it and we need to relook at the situation. She doesn't want to cause any trouble and thinks we need to get going before we actually decide who needs to do what. Our time and resources are limited and we should just revamp and see where we are in 3 months..Great news to me..

posted by: Mernie at September 02, 2008 00:33 | link | comments |

New Beginnings~~

School has started.

The storage sheds full of ceramic molds are moved.

 Hubby didn't help at all. Well not with those anyway.

There was an add in the penny news. A ceramic shop was closing out. Yep you guessed it. I had money I had won from the casino. So I mouthed off and bought it. Hubby broke down after I broke down with endless body shaking tears because I spent 2 weeks moving it myself with my sister stopping by each day after work and taking her trunk full home. I used my son's pickup and made 3 trips a day except the days I had college. Those days I just managed 2 trips. We had to have it all cleared out by Sept 3. We did it. The last 3 trailers piled as high as possible were stacked in the rented building today. (We had to rent one since we had no room for what I bought.). I broke down at mom's yesterday in tears. It ended up my two sisters, brother-in-law, and 2 nieces plus hubby and myself moved the last 3 loads today. Hubby and I managed to move 2 loads yesterday. He pulled through for me in the end... (I actually think he was getting blue balls..)

Now the madness begins. It has always been a family thing. I have never expected anyone to pay anything just giving of their time and hard work in exchange for their own personal stuff. If we do a craft show or something expenses are taken out then I divide the profit as I see fit according to who helped and how much they helped. We have never had a problem with doing it like this. Never a cross word or hurt feelings.

My oldest sister is the one that lived away most of her life. She has just recently gotten into this and paid for half the last batch of slip. She and I halfed the cost of the storage building molds. I mouthed off and purchase this latest stuff. She offered to pay half and I told her no. I had it covered thinking that way anyone could use it just like always with no hard feelings. Tonight she came back after everyone was gone and I was closing up. She insisted of paying the cost to have the utilities turned on (in her name) and paying the lease on the building for the next year as her part of the venture. I was so tired and worn out I told her ok that sounded great with me. We haven't had a tax number in years because we haven't made anything. She wants to get the tax number in her name and open a business not just a family hobby. She says she is retiring in 3 yrs and wants to really make this thing go. I said fine with me.. Whatever..(remember I have been at this for weeks and hubby upset with me.. He thinks everyone pitched in to pay for this last stuff. He has no idea I paid alone) She then went on to say we would be 50-50 partners. She knew I had more invested but she would half everything from this point on plus she would do most of the work since I have my hand full with school and stuff.  I was so tired I remember agreeing and nodding my head as I went about closing up and thinking whatever.. do we have to talk about this right now.. I could careless right now.

I get home and I'm talking to my other sister and hubby sitting in my living room. Viki does a double take as hubby says.. That is bull shit. Viki does more work than you and Sherry put togeter. She has no money but she is worth twice in sweat and hard work. Where the hell does Sherry get off saying 50-50.. You paid $12,000 for the orginal shop. Your mom has paid several times when the two of you have purchased more and she has the expense of building a shop beside her house to put the stuff in the past 6 yrs.. You do a 50-50 you cut out the backbone and horse power. Yeah you paint but you and I both know you don't do the hard work. Sherry doesn't have a clue how to pour or mix slip. She can't even load a kiln. You do a 4 way split or you pay her part and cut her out completely. (remember I paid totally the last time-- she paid half the storage building-half the last slip- and half the orginal deposit and 1st month rent--she doesn't have much money invested here at all compared to my investment). Viki looks at me and says I can't believe  you went along with her.. Throws her key I had just given her to the building at me and says.. I"m going home.. I'm dead tired and I have to work tomorrow...Hubby starts to rake me over the coals about upsetting her and how could I be that heartless.

I just walked off--took a shower and came here.... Now what do I do? It's already caused an upset in our normal easy going hobby.. Granted right now..Sherry has a government job, no kids at home, her house is paid for, her money is there to cover the cost of investing, plus she has plenty of time.She is overbearing and down right bossy at times but she has a good head on her shoulders and could probably whip this family hobby into a profitable business. But she actually knows very little about ceramics. Viki has no money, she works full time and has a daughter that takes a lot of her extra time(Crystal had cancer a while back) but her enjoyment and love of ceramics is awesome. She can paint almost as good as I can and her pieces attract crowds at the craft shows.

My mom needs something to give her purpose and keep her active. But she lives on limited income now and has no money to invest. It's going to take some capital to get this off the ground...

Hell I just mouthed off and thought I was buying a few more molds, an extra pouring table, kiln and a few supplies for little or nothing.. I never intended to turn a profit or work hard.!!

I don't want family feud.............. But it would be nice to see something come in to help support an ever growing interest in ceramics that ties our family together............... So where do I go from here..?? I have to back track with someone and I"m trying to decide which rapid looks the best~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because I"m up the creek without a paddle~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

posted by: Mernie at September 01, 2008 00:44 | link | comments |

I must be insane. I have been so busy the last couple of weeks. Years ago about 15 yrs actually I bought a ceramic shop. It took us forever to get it all moved out to the barn beside our house. I was working at the bank at the time and it was a repo. I never actually made it into a business just an expensive hobby for all my family.. My expense mostly not theirs. Over the years we have thinned it out. Moved it to a building my mom had built beside her house just for them. A few weeks ago we purchased two 10x 10 storage building full of ceramic molds. I mean two feet from the ceiling and packed so tight you can't even stand inside. The lady hadn't paid rent in a year so the owner sold us the contents of each storage for $50 a piece. Actually it's a steal. Some of the molds cost in excess of $300 a piece, others are discontinued and no longer can be bought. Even though it's been a couple of years since we actually did much at the shop we knew it was a great buy........................... But we must be insane. Both my sister's husband and mine think we are crazy. They both refuse   to help us move a single one. We are about dead.. It's been as hot as 104 and we are moving ceramic molds. Some that need to just be trashed, others we feel are gold mines. Sorting through them, finding a place for them so we can find them again and moving them has about killed me. The stupid things are HEAVY~~~ and heaven forbid you get a finger in the way, it will make a grown woman cry. It's 2 weeks before college starts again. When will I ever find time to work in the ceramic shop. I can't even seem to find time to clean my garage all summer... But at the same time.. I can't wait to start pouring. It's like Christmas morning having a mold you have never poured and opening it to see the piece. I love to paint and turn a piece of mud into a finished piece that everyone looks at with wonder... I especially love to paint Native American pieces............... My problem is time.. Finding time to pour, clean, fire and paint.. The next thing is............ No place or need for it when it's painted.. I'm crazy............................. I have a passion for this and no time to enjoy it or market for the final product. I thought maybe I would loose some inches or pounds moving the stupid thing.. but I just seem to be sore all over and bone tired...not to mention the fact hubby won't let me use his vehicle to move them and he sits at home or goes to the casino while my sister and I slave to get them moved. Yes we could pay someone to move them but there is no way we could have someone else sort, discard and organize like needs to be done.. So it's up to us...IF IT DOESN"T KILL US~~~~~

I say that in jest but I'm actually serious. A farmer died this week in our small town from heat exhaustion. The air conditioner on his tractor went out and he continued to plow. Now it's an ugly mess. He has 2 girls 53 and 57 and a son 60. He has one step daughter that he raised since she was 3. She graduated in my class. He also has a foster son that he took in at the age of 16. He is now 47.  Today all kinds of shit hit the fan. They went to see him at the funeral home together as a family and his son saw they had printed the flyer up for the funeral. It listed him as having two sons and 3 daughters. Doug went off on everyone.. Screaming and ranting.. Saying he was his only son. Demanding to see bank accounts, titles, deeds and the will..... Now remember this is small town America.. Sure the man farmed half the county (expression around here.. I'm not sure how much he farms but alot) but everyone knows that farmers are poor rich people. They have farms, huge equipment and ever bigger mortgages.  They drive 4 door pickup trucks and don't have the money to fix the air conditioner in their tractor. I worked at the bank for 17 yrs. This man was our biggest overdraft most of the time. His fertilizer bills would feed half of Africa. His wife bought a new car every other year but usually wrote an insuffient check for it until the wheat was sold. He saw no need to make out a will. He was too busy farming.. and thought he would live forever. His son Doug lives 45 minutes away and yet hasn't been to his dad's  in 3 yrs. Doug is too busy to come home (he has an office job 8-5 at an oil company) so the farmer makes the effort. He takes time out to go visit while the foster son feeds the cattle for the day. The foster son, Mike,  is who found him because it was 7:30 and he hadn't come in to eat supper so the wife called and said go see what is wrong he is always home to eat and then go back out. Mike is the same person that gets up at 5 Am every morning to go feed cattle with him. He is who spends hours upon hours plowing or putting fertilizer down when the dad had open heart surgery 4 yrs ago because he had no "sick leave" on a farm. Even though Mike works full time at the local Coop. While Doug had leave but didn't want to take it because he had a hunting vacation with his buddies planned so he called every day to check on dad but didn't miss a day at his work to help with the farm or sit at the hospital. Both his daughters live off. About 3 hrs away. They moved of their own free will to find better jobs and live a wealthier life than in our small town. His step daughter lives here just 3 blocks away. She is a home health nurse. She is who checkes his blood sugar every day. She is who sat hours at the hospital when he had surgery and who nursed him when he got home. This morning his youngest daughter call the wife and told her they would be here for the funeral but they wouldn't step foot in the house again until she was gone and all her so called "Kids". That she had 2 weeks to get out!! Because they were selling the farms and house and dividing the money between his 3 kids the only ones that were actually intitled to anything he had.....

This whole mess is stupid............... Why didn't the man make a will... why didn't he tell his "kids" how he felt before he died. His actions speak volumes of love to everyone he called family. He was the most selfless person.. he loved his wife above everything. He showed no difference in his blood and his "other kids" ... Oklahoma law states that if there is no will everything goes to the surviving spouse. His son intends to fight that and tie the farm and any assets up for years. He has the money to do that. The wife and Mike will be lucky to have the money to harvest the wheat crop they just got in the ground and pay the bills outstanding. They will be the ones walking in the house (if they don't get kicked out by the son and daughters) and sitting down to eat with the memories of never eating without first checking his blood sugar. They will drive past the field where his tractor drove wild in the field until the plow was caught in a fence and the tires burned spinning while he was dying in the cab and unable to get help. They will walk in the same quick mart where he had coffee every morning after feeding the cows and his chair be empty.  Mike will close his eyes and see him drapped over the steering wheel with the plow hung in a fence and the back wheels smoking from turning and digging ruts in the ditch for over 2 hrs until someone came looking for him. He will ask himself a million times why he didn't insist on taking over when he checked on him after work at 5 but Pat insisting he go to his son's ball game instead.

Life is cruel at times....... It's too short for hard feelings...... and too long for guilt and regret...................This mess will be years and many $$$ and hard feelings before it's settled... There is no way to settle it quick and without hurt............... I just pray that Thursday at the funeral everyone will respect the Love this man showed to anyone he called family or friend and keep their tempers in check and their opinions to themselves... I pray they don't disrespect his memory with a show of narrow minded greed or anger.  They are even argueing about who should sit with the family and who sits on the front row at the church...For Heavens sakes............. The bigger person will stand back and keep his mouth shut knowing that is what the man would have wanted most............. He would be ashamed of the way EVERYONE Of his "family" is acting.. None excluded from his own flesh and blood to the woman he married 50 yrs ago and the children he raised out of the goodness of his heart and the love that anyone would be proud to  have.

Wake UP people~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did his love for you mean nothing??????

I'm ashamed to sit back and watch this display as a friend and neighbor to one of the best Men I have ever know!!  Rest in Peace Farmer Pat~~ May God be with you as you travel to greener pastures!!!

posted by: Mernie at August 06, 2008 01:51 | link | comments (1) |